Mein Soldat
by Sybl Angelkat
Summary: It was a simple exchange…my innocence for survival. I never dreamed I'd be involved in the events that followed. The night at the Hessian's camp was only the first of many meetings. Hessianxoc
1. Chapter 1

Meine Soldat

It was a simple exchange…my innocence for survival. I never dreamed I'd be involved in the events that followed. (Hessianxoc)

Disclaimer: I don't own anything except for my original characters.

Chapter 1

My feet were almost completely numb. It alarmed me that I could feel the soles threatening to separate with each clumsy step. My ragged and patched dress would not hold together for long, either. I had patched it so much that there seemed to be more patches than dress. I had tried to clean myself up the best I could; penniless or not, I wanted to be as presentable as possible. My one asset was that my fair skin was neither marked by pox, witchcraft, or scars. My hair might have been beautiful if it were cleaner; I had combed through it with my fingers as best as I could. When freshly washed, it was a gleaming auburn. My mother was waiting for me at home. It was unknown whether I would return victorious or not, but it was a gamble I'd been forced to take.

I could smell food up ahead and my stomach gave a rumble. A hungry person has no pride. Whatever doubts I'd had before were promptly squashed by the awful pain. The column of smoke from the campfire was busy in the clearing. The air was seasoned with a language I did not understand. This was it; the camp of the demons. They milled about the tents, some talking and eating by the fire, others were doing different chores. All of them looked much stronger than me. The second thoughts reappeared for a split second. Since it was nightfall, I was almost invisible, cloaked by darkness. I could vanish just as easily as I appeared.

If only it hadn't been for that damn horse…

I hadn't been paying attention and I nearly bumped into his backside. One ear swung towards me first, then the entire head turned. The horse made a noise.

_Horses don't growl, but that doesn't exactly sound like a greeting…_

He was as black as the night itself. He was huge for a horse; he was the largest stallion I'd ever seen. When he actually moved his entire body, he seemed even bigger.

"Nice horse…good horse…" I squeaked timidly. I didn't particularly like horses and I think he could sense it.

Up ahead, I heard someone talking. It seemed as though they sensed a disturbance. I nearly wet myself when two arms suddenly closed around me from behind. It had been like a shadow, silent as death itself. A question was asked in my ear, but I didn't know what meant.

"I—I can't understand you," I stammered.

There was an exchange. Apparently, there was more than one. I felt myself being lifted like a sack of flour and carried towards the center of the camp. The German soldiers stared at me. Some merely looked puzzled, others looked lustful. I wasn't allowed to touch the ground again until we were near the fire. One of my captors shouted what I assumed to be a name.

If the horse and the former situation had seemed scary, it was nothing compared to what I was facing now. Another man came out of the nearest tent. He snapped something in German to my captors and it sounded like they were arguing for a moment. Then, those eyes turned on me.

My legs turned to water and I actually had to lean on my captor for support.

"What were you doing near my horse, little girl?"

It was nice to finally hear English, even if it was heavily accented. Each word sounded harsh and jagged. I opened my mouth to speak, but my voice failed me. His cold eyes were so blue that I could even tell it in the dim firelight.

"Well?"

I still couldn't get it out. The sharp sound of a sword being drawn had come from him. I stared at the gleaming blade that grazed my throat.

"I do not take kindly to thieves. I will only ask you once more why you are here."

"It's not the horse I wanted," I choked out, feeling a warm trickle of blood, "I smelled food…my mother and I have not eaten in almost a week…"

He sheathed his sword.

"Why should we give you anything? The war has been just as difficult for us as it has for you."

"Please, sir," I begged, "our village is burned to the ground. I want to look for work, but there is no way to get to the next town in this weather. We have nothing…nothing but the clothes on our backs…"

I hated my body for betraying me. I had started to cry and now the tears were cascading down my cheeks.

The man smiled. His teeth were filed down to sharp points and it somehow didn't surprise me. His disheveled dark hair didn't surprise me either. It seemed fitting to him. He was like a panther.

"You cannot expect something for nothing," he said disdainfully, "now leave."

"There is….one thing…"

The other soldiers were snickering. A look from him silenced them. He walked around me, his Hessian boots deepening the prints already left in the snow. The crunching sound was sinister. I flinched when he barked out an order to the others. My captors let go of me only for me to be shoved into his arms. I didn't resist, but I silently begged God to forgive me for what I was about to do. The German commander drew me into his tent and secured the flap closed.

I had never had any lovers to my name, so this was a completely new experience. My first kiss was one where his teeth drew blood, his touch rough and careless with lust. Neither of us undressed all the way due to the cold. For that much, I was grateful. I heard the clink of his heavy belt being unfastened and the rustle of fabric that followed. His ragged breath in my ear helped to drown out the awful burning sensation below. I saw white when he pushed further in and nearly fainted. When he had taken his fill of me, he seemed very surprised at the sight of blood.

"Eine Jungfrau," he muttered.

It didn't take much translation to figure that one out. He realized I'd been a virgin before. A cloth was thrust at me so that I could clean myself up. That was a relief; I didn't want to go home with blood-stained underwear. Mother would have been beside herself with guilt if she found out what I had just done. Once I had resituated my clothing, I found myself being chased away from camp with a fistful of gold coins and a few food items in my arms.

Strange…he was watching me go. The other soldiers were jeering and making fun of me (again, I could tell), but the one I had just slept with didn't look like that. His face was unreadable. It was almost like he didn't want me to go.

_It's in my head,_ I thought, _I'm just a foolish little girl who dreams in fairy tales._


	2. Chapter 2

"Mother! I'm back!" I called as I walked into the doorway. I paused immediately…something wasn't right. It was that ominous feeling you get right before someone jumps you. The darkness seemed to have claws and teeth tonight. I reached for the candle and match that we kept by the door. The candle was burned down to a tiny stub; soon we would have no more light at all. Carrying the food under the other arm, I walked around the half-burned house cautiously. I could see nothing out of the ordinary, but something still wasn't right.

I ventured up the ruined stairs, trying not step on the places that had been burned. This house had been burned already when we moved in and it was falling apart worse and worse every day. It had been better, though, than living on the streets.

I came to the bedroom. Mother was laying on the bed. At first, I thought she was just sleeping. I placed the candle and the food on the bedside table and gently shook her.

"Mother, wake up! I have food!" I chirped excitedly. I remembered that I had eaten some of it on the way back and guiltily wondered if I should have waited.

She was so still.

I flipped her over to discover that she wasn't breathing. The smear of dark blood was now visible. Stunned, I let go of her and looked down at my hands. They shook violently in the candle light.

I looked around the room, tears beginning to blur my vision. Things had been overturned and drawers from the wrecked furniture were hanging open. There had been raiders here tonight.

My poor mother….

I tried to see if there was any way that I could still save her, still have hope….but it was too late. The corpse had already grown cold and was stiffening. In the time it took me to wade through the snow and make a tramp of myself, someone had killed her. The bitter irony of the situation sunk like a brick of lead in my stomach. It occurred to me that if she hadn't been safe here that I was definitely not safe. Shuddering, I cleaned off the blood and tied a bandage around her throat where the stab wound was. I rolled her up in the dirty quilt and carried her outside. It wasn't easy, but I took the very few possessions I had with me as well. Mother was so light in my arms that I couldn't even believe it had truly been her. The mother I remembered was strong and stubborn. I would bury her in the woods away from the grave robbers and the potential other dangers.

"Don't worry," I sobbed, "I'll take care of you…I hope you understand that I was trying to help you…please forgive me…"

The awful reality set in as I began to dig with the rusty shovel. It took me a second trip to get it here, but I had run back this time. The wolves would be out soon and I didn't want them to…

The thought made me feel ill. Trying not to think about it, I slammed the shovel into the ground. It seemed as though the task took forever. I am not a physically strong person to begin with. Though my belly was full tonight, I was still weak from the hunger. I was trembling with exhaustion and grief. I collapsed onto the snow, grateful that the cold soothed my burning hot face. It took every last ounce of strength I had to lay the last shovelful of dirt down.

I glanced around for anything that could serve as a grave marker. It appeared that a barrel had smashed against some nearby rocks…the smell of wine still lingered heavily in the air. I took a couple of pieces of wood and fashioned a pitiful excuse for a Christian cross. I didn't have any idea how long it would stay put.

The sound of a horse snorting made me jump. I turned, wondering how I hadn't noticed the stronger ring of firelight that now surrounded me. My weak little candle had finally given out at some point during the digging.

"What are you doing out here?"

I recognized the voice. I had heard it not two hours ago. He urged his horse closer. He looked at the freshly disturbed earth, then at the "cross", then at me.

"Your mother?"

I nodded, the tears beginning to flow again.

"She was all I had left…now I have nothing…"

His body did not move. The horse did not move. Something in his presence changed, however. Just because he didn't look human didn't automatically mean that there wasn't empathy in there somewhere…right?

"What happened to her?"

The discomfort in his voice was evident. He was used to dealing with grown men coming at him with weapons, not with little girls. I tried to recompose myself, but it was hard with the black weight that had settled itself firmly on my chest and in my stomach.

"Raiders…they stabbed her and were looking for stuff…" I choked out, "…they didn't have to…we didn't have anything to take…"

On the word "take", my voice broke and I fell apart again. The hard reality that I was just one little girl in a huge world was striking me with a vengeance.

"Get up."

The command was hard as steel. Surprised, I stood on trembling legs. I would have been angry if I hadn't been so overwhelmed. Wasn't it enough that I'd handed him my innocence? It made me cold on the inside. I remembered my mother telling me that you belong to the man that you give yourself to.

He roughly seized me under the chin until I was staring up into his lightning-colored eyes with my own black ones.

"Stop crying."

I tried to contain my sniffles. It was difficult. His fingers traced my face roughly. It seemed like a very impersonal gesture; he was wearing thick gloves. With one hand, he hauled me off the ground. Frightened, I clung to his arm. The shovel clinked after I'd dropped it and it hit a rock nearby.

He set me down on his lap. The horse turned to look at him questioningly for a moment.

His hands ran up and down my body. I was somewhat insulted by the gesture, especially when his hands went up my legs and across my breasts.

"It is good that you are so skinny," he remarked.

That surprised me. Most men liked women with fuller figures.

"Why…?" I asked warily.

"I have an idea."

I didn't like the sound of that at all. He set me down and I smoothed out my dirty, tattered skirts. This was shaping up to be a genuinely terrible night.

"Pet my horse."

Staring at him with a puzzled look, I cautiously lay a hand on the giant horse's muzzle. The creature lowered its head and looked me directly in the eye.

"You're not going to try and kill me, are you?" I asked stupidly.

He didn't. I scratched behind his ears and he tilted his head towards my fingers. I jumped when a roar of laughter came from the imposing rider.

"Impressive," he remarked.

I don't think I could have looked more confused if I tried.

"He does not like the others," the Hessian informed me, "he will bite, kick, buck, and otherwise injure anyone who comes near him. I am the only one who can touch him…until now."

The horse seemed to be enjoying my petting him. He didn't act particularly vicious towards me, at least not yet.

"What do I have to do?" I asked, resigned to my fate. There was no point in dragging it out. I could crumble and die right here or I could try to go on. Mother would have wanted me to go on.

The Hessian grinned.

"Whatever I tell you."

My resolved wavered for a moment. The Hessians did not have any guarantees that they would see tomorrow. It would be a hard life. On the other side, I would have freedom but I was not guaranteed to live. How much longer would the bread he'd given me last? A day? Two days at most? The gold coins would mean nothing if I couldn't find a store to buy from. The nearest town was three days away.

"Do we have a deal?" he asked.

My small, trembling hand closed around his larger one. I was surprised when he swung off of his horse. The sound of his sword being unsheathed made me cringe.

"What are you doing?" I asked, frightened.

He grabbed hold of my hair. In one swipe, he had cut most of it off. I stared open-mouthed at the heap of it laying on the snow.

"I will not have you distracting my men. They are difficult enough to control as it is."

My wavy auburn hair didn't even reach my shoulders. It was short enough to be a boy's. The cold air hit my exposed neck and I shuddered. A pile of clothing was thrust into my arms.

"Change into these."

I stared, open-mouthed. The temperature was below freezing.

"_Do it_," he snapped impatiently.

"All right, fine," I muttered. To my irritation, I had to hold onto him for support. Getting into the trousers was awkward. It didn't help any that his big smile said _I already know what you look like naked._

It was a uniform. A Hessian uniform. I noticed there was a hole near the shoulder.

"A young one, about your age," he said, nearly reading my thoughts, "he met his match yesterday."

The look on my face made the Hessian chuckle. I was not thrilled about wearing a dead man's uniform in the slightest.

He pulled me onto his horse again and nudged him forward. Everything about this situation felt awkward and strange. I felt like I would slide off the stallion any second despite the soldier's strong arms around me.

"What is your name?" he asked.

"Ruth," I answered.

"Not anymore."

"What am I to be called, then?" I asked, feeling that this was getting unnecessarily complicated.

"You will be called 'Adalhard', 'Adal' for short."

"What does it mean?"

"The first one means 'brave', the second means 'noble'. It is a way to disguise you, as the second is actually a girl's name."

Clever. I was somewhat grateful not to be stripped of my femininity completely.

"Why do I need a boy's name?" I asked.

"If there is a woman around our camp, what do you think the men will do?"

"They can't be that bad," I protested, "men aren't animals."

He chuckled. I felt the vibration through his leather armor as well as hearing it right in my ear. It made me chilled despite the warmer clothes.

"You would be surprised," he mumbled.

It felt strange to walk in boots that were calf-length. They were a little bit too big, so my feet slipped and slid around in them. I hoped no one noticed the hole in the uniform shirt; maybe I could mend it later. I certainly didn't want the bullet holes around. He had stopped the horse a little way from camp.

"Do not speak unless you are spoken to, do not undress until you are sure you won't be seen, and do not try to get out of our little deal or I will not have mercy on you. Tomorrow, I will have to start training you and I will _not_ tolerate disobedience. Any questions?"

"So I'm a soldier now?" I asked dumbly.

"You are pretending but I will treat you as I treat the others. I may require _other things_ from you at times, but not for now. It would make them suspicious."

He waited, seeing I was opening my mouth again.

"Why are you doing this? Why go to so much trouble for someone like me?" I asked.

He smirked.

"I have my reasons."


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: If my translations are off, sorry about that. I don't speak German so I used an online translator. Just for the sake of knowing what I was _trying_ to say, I included it in italics and parenthesis. If anyone knows of a really good and accurate translation site (or would volunteer to translate for me) I'd appreciate it. If you want to translate for me, I'll send you a rough draft of the chapter and mark the places that are supposed to be German. Thanks!

He let me off the horse a few paces away from camp. The boots I wore were slightly too big and my feet were slip-sliding all over the place. A few of the soldiers came over to talk to him.

"Gibt es Neues?" the first one asked. _(Is there news?)_

"Nein." _(No)_

A second one examined me up and down.

"Wer ist das?" _(Who is this?)_

Their puzzlement was understandable. I felt very self-conscious.

_How strange that I would feel more self-conscious now that I'm in a man's clothing than I did a couple of hours ago…I hope they don't recognize me…_

"Er heißt Adalhard. Er war getrennt von seiner Einheit in die letzte Schlacht." _(He is called Adalhard. He was separated from his unit during the last battle.)_

More soldiers had joined us. My commander slid off his horse and passed me the reins.

"Stay here," he instructed me before walking off.

One of the soldiers lagged behind despite the others following their commander.

"You do not fool me for a second," he hissed, "you are the girl that was here earlier!"

My soul iced over.

"I don't know what you're talking about," I said as firmly as I could. I couldn't imitate a German accent, but I could pull off a British one very easily.

He grabbed me by the throat.

"Stop it! I remember those big eyes! If Kommandeur Luthias had not claimed you, I would take you right now! Our army has no place for a common whore like you!"

I'm not sure what made me do it. Maybe this night was beginning to get to me. I didn't realize I'd struck him until I heard the impact. The boy staggered backwards, stunned. He glared at me and I could see the heat rising in his cheeks.

"I'll have you know I was a virgin!" I hissed, "I was only trying to save my mother's life. She died tonight and it was because of people like you!"

I could feel the angry tears welling up in my eyes but I pushed them back. The boy rubbed his chin where I'd smacked him. To my astonishment, he began to chuckle.

"You're not so weak after all," he commented, "but we'll see how long you last under Luthias."

One nagging question remained in my mind.

"You're not going to tell anyone about this, are you?"

I could see the wheels turning in his head.

"Maybe not. I want to see how long it takes him to crush your spirit. Maybe he will stop beating on me for a change."

"HEINRICH!" came the roar in the distance. The boy sighed and said something I assume was a German curse.

"I wonder what I did this time."

He trotted off. The stallion snorted and I petted him.

"He's not really that bad, is he?" I asked, "After all, _you_ like him, right?"

Luthias returned. He still had the shining glint of blood on one of his gloves. I decided not to ask.

"I will show you how to do this once," he said warningly, "after this, I expect it done correctly each time."

I watched him take the stallion's tack off and groom him. He tossed me a brush and I did one side while he did the other. I took note of how much grain and water he gave the horse. Then I had to learn how to clean the saddle so that the leather wouldn't dry out and crack. By the time we were done, I was exhausted beyond belief.

"Tired?"

"A little," I answered.

His sinister chuckle didn't reassure me at all.

"Just think, little one, the real work begins at daybreak."

I sighed and followed him to the tents. Heinrich was still grinning at me.


	4. Chapter 4

There were several factors that were working against me at once. I was in a strange place completely surrounded by men. At least one of them had recognized me as a female; I did not know how the others would react. I was still processing that my mother was dead and that I had buried her myself.

And then…

My new commander's breath was a distraction all its own. I had listened to him strip away all his armor while I pretended to be asleep. He blew out the candle and the cot creaked lightly as he lay down. I listened to his breath change and began to wish I was nearer to him—God only knows why. Silent tears spilled down my cheeks. Was this to be my curse? Would I always want to be near such a beastly and ruthless man? There were several things running through my mind at once. I was shivering, though from fear, stress, or cold, I did not know. Maybe I just wanted to share in his warmth.

Now that I was sure he was asleep, I rolled over to look at him. I blinked past the blurriness in my eyes. It was nearly pitch black in here, but there was just enough light to see him.

He did not look so fierce in sleep. His mouth was slightly open, but I couldn't see the filed down points of his teeth. He looked several years younger and I wondered if the war had aged him. I imagined his strong arms around me again just as they had been when we rode up to camp. It wasn't so hard to sleep then…I felt myself drift off.

After what seemed like only seconds, I felt someone shaking me roughly. I groaned and tried to move away from the intruding hands.

"If you value your life, you will get up right now," the voice said firmly in my ear. Adrenaline shot through my veins and I sat up, heart pounding.

"Good, you're awake. Come."

Puzzled, I looked around. It wasn't even dawn yet.

"You have to be joking," I protested.

I yelped when his big hands seized me and pulled me onto my feet.

"All right, all right!" I whimpered, seeing that he was dead serious and getting impatient. I stuffed my feet into my boots and smoothed my clothes out.

I had been under the impression that my job was to take care of the horse. I didn't realize that I would be taking care of the horse _in addition to _several other things. As I gathered firewood and water, Luthias was dragging the others out of bed. We were going to move out today, apparently. I was in the middle of making breakfast when someone seized me from behind. Drunken breath soured my nose and I turned my head away.

"Pretty…almost like a girl…" the voice teased. Out of instinct, I elbowed my assailant in the gut.

"Let me go!" I snarled, almost forgetting my accent in my irritation. The man grunted and his friends laughed. He wrapped both arms around me, pinning my arms to my sides.

_My sausage is burning, dammit…_ I thought, trying to squirm my way out of his arms.

My attacker whispered something in German. I didn't understand at first, but I felt his hand inching towards my nether regions. Terrified, my teeth snapped into one hand as one leg jerkily kicked at his shin. He was forced to drop me but he wasn't giving up. A flash of movement caught the corner of my eye. Heinrich leapt over me and slammed his fist into the other man's jaw. The others were enjoying the scene.

"_**Es reicht!**_" (Enough!)

We froze. The crowd parted like the Red Sea for Luthias. I was still trying to peel the drunk soldier off of Heinrich. Heinrich was getting absolutely pummeled under the other man's beefy fists. Luthias seized both of them by the back of their shirts and yanked them apart. Heinrich rolled away, submitting to the will of his leader. The drunken man, however, was actually stupid enough to laugh at Luthias.

_Oh no…_

Luthias leaned in closer. I would later learn he did it to smell one's breath to see if they were drunk—he could tell down to the last drop how much someone had drank. The laughing man was finally registering he'd made a big mistake.

"I will not tolerate drunkenness," Luthias snapped, "it is hard enough to fight a war when sober. This is your last chance, Albrecht."

Albrecht started to walk away, but Luthias snatched him back.

"Where do you think you are going? There is still your punishment."

He turned to the others.

"Do it."

I didn't know what they were talking about, so I helped Heinrich out of the snow. Blood spurted from both nostrils. I busied myself with cleaning him up as the other soldiers dragged Heinrich to the other edge of the camp. Luthias disappeared with him. The sick sound of a whip striking a back made my stomach turn. By some miracle, breakfast didn't come out charred.

"I hate Albrecht," Heinrich spat, "he's given me Hell from the first moment I met him."

"That was close," I agreed.

An awkward silence passed between us.

"Thank you," I said gratefully.

"Just promise me that one day you'll kick him in the…"

_"Heinrich!"_

"…face."

We shared a much needed laugh, which temporarily silenced Albrecht's pained screaming.

"Packen Sie Ihre Dinge," (Pack up your things) Luthias called to the others. Not wanting their commander displeased a second time today, they all scrambled. When I caught sight of Albrecht, I saw why.

His face was bruised up badly. Blood came from a small cut in his lip and from one nostril. He carried his shirt in one hand and seemed to be struggling to walk. His entire upper body was covered in lash marks that oozed blood. Tears flowed down his cheeks as he walked. He didn't dare look at Heinrich or I.

Luthias didn't say a word to either one of us, so it seemed we had escaped trouble for the moment. Some of the other soldiers didn't seem very fond of us. They ate their breakfasts in silence before taking down the tents. We were ready before the morning mist had yet faded.

I was told to ride a jumpy white gelding. I didn't protest, but the horse took some getting used to. He shied at every sound imaginable and I was wondering if he always quivered like this. Sometimes he would venture too close to Daredevil only to get nipped.

We traveled all day before finally arriving at nightfall. The British were close by; I could smell their fire and see the column of smoke rising. One of the British commanders was waiting for Luthias by the road.

"Commander Luthias Brandt, I presume?" the man called.

"Ja," Luthias said stiffly.

"I am Commander Nathaniel Higgins. We've been expecting you."

They shook hands, but the British soldier seemed to flinch visibly. Maybe Luthias's grip had been harder than necessary.

I lost track of what they were saying. I'm not sure what made me notice, but I did.

"Uh, sir…" I stuttered uneasily. Luthias kept talking. I leaned over my horse's neck and tapped him firmly. He looked up at me with those icy eyes and I knew I had about ten seconds to get out an explanation.

"They aren't invited to join us, are they?" I asked lamely.

Luthias and Nathaniel looked simultaneously. A wall of soldiers was emerging and they didn't look familiar at all. Luthias issued a stream of commands so quickly that I didn't have time to register what he had said. Everyone surged forward at once. I was confused beyond belief.

"YAH!" Luthias yelled to his horse, urging him forward. Musket fire was exchanged on both sides. I saw a few of our men drop and a few of the other side's drop as well. Heinrich yelped when a bullet grazed his shoulder. I was about ten seconds from leaving a puddle in my saddle when I was knocked out of it.

Stunned, I sat up. A sharp pain in my shoulder told me I'd probably been hit with something. One of the Americans was aiming his pistol straight at me when Luthias got there first. The sharp singing of his sword followed by a sickening thump told me I didn't have to worry about it any longer. I gave him a grateful smile, but he seemed too busy to notice.

"Luthias! Behind you!" I yelped, trying to get myself upright. Luthias whipped around and sliced through the man about to attack him. Blood stained the snow.

Another soldier came straight towards me, but I didn't have anyone to magically save me this time.

_Remember what he taught you…_I pressed my frightened brain. My hand went to the hilt of my sword almost automatically. I felt the coldness of the hilt in my hand. I felt the breeze on my arm as I swung. The feeling of the sword slicing through flesh was absolutely sickening. I watched in horror as the man's head nearly separated from his body, held on by half an inch or so of sinew. My field of vision flooded white and I think I fainted for a few seconds. The feeling of someone picking me up helped to pull me back to the edge of reality for the moment. The sounds of battle were waning rapidly. I recognized the feel of the leather armor against my face.

For a moment, I was not a soldier. I was a little girl again enjoying the safety of a man's arms. My face became buried in his chest for just a moment; I didn't care if the others saw.

I was vaguely aware of being lifted out of his arms for a moment, then being taken somewhere else. My vision was grayish-tinted and dim. My shoulder felt like it was on fire. There was also an awful pain in my gut. I let out a pained cry when the hands lay me down on the cot.

"Quiet," the firm voice snapped.

"Luthias…" I groaned, "what's wrong with me?"

I felt him pull my shirt loose. There was a sharp pain as the bullet was yanked out of my shoulder. I was trying to keep my mouth closed, but I was pretty sure that I screamed anyway. Another pair of hands cleaned and sewed the wound shut. I saw someone carry away bloody cloths and I wondered if it was my blood. It felt as though I was numb to everything but the searing pain.

"You were stabbed," his voice said in my ear, "and shot. You lost too much blood."

I shuddered involuntarily.

"Does that mean I'm dying?"

I felt him hesitate for a split second.

"No."

The unspoken _not yet_ was left hanging in the air. Then I passed out.

(Luthias's POV)

She shuddered and went limp. For a moment, I regretted bringing her here. I had expected her to be much more trained when she met battle. I had been careless to think that there wouldn't be an ambush at one point or another.

Regret was a new emotion to me. I rarely allowed myself to regret anything. I was very skilled at reasoning my way out of guilt. I told myself that there was no such thing as true innocence and that it did not matter whose life I had stolen or whose blood I spilled. The young girl laying on the stretcher in front of me made me feel uneasy. I still held the bloody bullet in the palm of my hand. It seemed unusually hot.

Heinrich, the young boy who had become her friend, looked up at me with big eyes. I had heard him taunting her at first and was amazed that she so quickly forgave him.

"She will be all right, won't she?"

His voice pleaded with me to reassure him. In that moment, I saw a child and not a soldier.

"If she does not get an infection," I told him, "I have seen worse than this."

He breathed a small sigh of hope and gently touched her face.

"I don't mean to question you, sir, I really don't, but I'm just terribly curious. Why did you bring Adal to us? She's so….what's the word I'm looking for? It's just that something terrible could happen."

I made the last stitch in her stomach and clipped the thread loose.

"I do not believe in weakness," I said simply, "and she does not, either. She may cry. She may be in pain, but she would not give up. I saw her just hours after her mother died and she was alone. She was not afraid of me. She did not badger me with useless questions. It was a matter of survival and she was willing to do it. She could have run away. She could have protested much more."

Heinrich gently lifted her back while I bandaged up the wound.

"She is much stronger than most of these men," I told him, "she just has not learned to move out of the way yet."

I felt, rather than heard, the chuckle escape.

"You like her," Heinrich commented.

"She amuses me," I admitted, "I saw her strike Albrecht. I let the fighting go on a little longer than I should have. I wanted to see what she would do."

"What's her real name?" Heinrich asked.

"Ruth," I answered.

Heinrich's eyes almost seemed to glow in the dim light of the tent.

"I recognize that name," he said, "it is from the Bible. There is an entire book devoted to a woman named Ruth. It suits her well."

By now, Ruth was tucked in under a pile of blankets. It promised to be an extremely cold night and we didn't want to take any chances. I heard my horse whinny outside and I knew he was hungry.

"I'll stay with Ruth," Heinrich quickly volunteered. Shaking my head slightly, I left the tent. He was still afraid of the horse…almost everyone was. I wondered if Daredevil would understand it if I told him not to bite so much.


	5. Chapter 5

A rush of adrenaline shot through my veins. I sat upright and my wounds screamed in protest.

"R—Adalhard! You should lay back down!" Heinrich yelped. My heart was thundering against my ribcage.

"Shhh," he soothed, leaning me back onto the cot, "it's all right…they're gone. We ran them off."

"Luthias…" I blurted without thinking.

"He'll be in to check on you shortly," Heinrich said, "he just went to tend to his horse."

His hand smoothed my hair back out of my face. The one good thing about being disguised as a man was that I didn't have to worry about my hair anymore. I knew it was probably a royal mess.

"Oh, Heinrich…I feel awful," I groaned.

"You lost a lot of blood," he explained, "you'll probably feel weak for a few days at least. I've never seen Luthias that angry before."

I couldn't resist.

"What happened?" I asked.

"He hacked off their heads and slung you over his shoulder like a sack of flour. If anyone tried to touch you, he did very brutal things to them. He sliced one man in half with one stroke! I've seen him angry before, but it was nothing compared to this…" Heinrich shuddered, "it was like he was possessed. He carried you in here and told everyone but me to get out. They didn't dare ask questions, at least not to his face. He didn't want anyone finding out about…you know."

"I'm glad," I admitted, "but I still haven't figured out why he's gone to so much trouble for me."

Heinrich was studying something on the ground with interest.

"He said it was your strength, that you are stronger than many of the men he has trained. He says you amuse him. I think he cares for you, at least a little. It's still hard to imagine someone like Commander Luthias falling in love, though."

It suddenly occurred to Heinrich what he had said and his face reddened.

"You're not in love with him, are you?"

"I don't know," I admitted, "I've never been in love before. How would I know?"

"I don't know either. The good news is that some of the soldiers are going into town. Is there anything in particular you want since you warned us?"

I thought about it for a moment.

"I would very much like to have a Bible," I admitted, "I used to read it all the time, but the one Mother gave me was lost in a house fire a long time ago."

I could tell by the look on Heinrich's face that he thought it was an odd request, but he didn't complain or comment. He just nodded.

"I will tell them."

He dashed out of the tent. I shifted to a more comfortable position and tried to remember the feeling of Luthias's arms around me.

If it was hard for Heinrich to picture Luthias in love, it was nearly impossible for me. Lust, yes, that was a given. I have been told that all men are subject to lust at one point or another in their lives. But love…had Luthias ever loved _anything_? Sometimes he seemed as hard and cold as a frozen winter lake. He seemed quite fond of his horse, but I wasn't sure if it counted as love. I only saw him without his armor at night when he stripped it off for sleep. He still retained his all-black outfit. It was hard to picture him wearing anything but his military clothes. I imagined that white or any shade of blue would make his eyes even brighter…

Luthias in another occupation that didn't involve being a soldier or killing in any way was even more difficult. I tried to imagine him with a wife and a baby and that image really seemed bizarre. Luthias had yet to show any affection towards anyone. Imagining him kissing a little round face with soft pink cheeks was nearly laughable. I snapped out of my train of thought the second the tent flap fluttered. My eyes met Luthias's and I felt the heat rise in my cheeks. If he noticed, he did not mention it.

"_Gut_, you are awake."

He came closer and lifted the side of my shirt to check the bandages. To my knowledge, I hadn't bled through them yet.

"The bleeding has stopped," he commented more to himself than me.

"That's my bullet, isn't it?" I asked, pointing to the object he held in his hand. He placed it in mine.

"It cost you a lot of blood," he commented, "the price you paid for warning us."

He almost jumped out of his skin when I hugged him. Noticing the reaction, I laid back down quickly and sheepishly crossed my arms.

"Sorry," I muttered, "I'm just glad you're all right."

He pulled the covers back over me and made sure they were tucked in well.

"It will be a cold night," he explained, "and we don't want anyone else seeing your shirt unbuttoned."

I groaned and he stared at me for a second.

"I have to sew up another hole," I complained sarcastically, "…I want another uniform. This man had the worst luck of anyone I know and it's rubbing off on me."

I could have sworn that Luthias almost smiled.

"Stay here and rest. Your friend Heinrich has gone to town with the others. He will come in to see you when he gets back."

"Where are you going?" I asked.

Too late. He was already through the tent flap.

_I can't believe I just hugged him,_ I chided myself, _he's my commander, my boss! There can never be anything between us! Even if we somehow got past the "I'm pretending to be a boy" situation, one of us could die tomorrow and that would be it. It's too dangerous to love him. Wait…did I just think love? I meant… oh, never mind! I'm going back to sleep before my imagination runs away with me._


	6. Chapter 6

Maybe it was the absence of Luthias's rough hand shaking me awake. Maybe it was the sudden chilly draft that blew through the tent. Maybe I had been on the verge of a nightmare and I had jolted awake before the image could be seared into my scarred mind. I jolted awake, my heart pounding and the bullet wound screaming in pain from the sudden movement. My belly was also flaming.

I also realized I had another dilemma. There was a chamber pot nearby, but it was far enough away that it would take some effort to get to. Sighing, I struggled to close the three-foot gap. Standing made me feel sick and dizzy, but I managed to stay upright just long enough. With some difficulty due to my sore shoulder, I managed to get my trousers down and prayed that no one would walk in here. I had just gotten back in bed when Heinrich appeared.

"What were you doing up?" he scolded.

"Why was the chamber pot where I couldn't get to it?" I retorted.

He shrugged.

"I didn't put it way over there…you are _finished_ with it, right?"

I tried not to laugh mainly because it hurt too much. Heinrich was painfully bashful—but at least he was being respectful of me. Red-faced and relieved to be off that subject, he pulled something out of his cloth bag.

"I found your Bible," he said, placing it in my hands. While he was digging around in the bag, I examined it. It had a plain leather cover, but it was clearly brand new. The imprint of a cross had been pressed into the spine. The crisp white pages with their black print almost seemed to glow in the dim light of the tent.

"We also brought back a few other treats. Even old Higgins says we'd have never survived this mess without you."

Heinrich placed a box of chocolates in my lap.

"Please forgive me, but there are two or three missing," he said sheepishly, "it's been months since I've eaten anything sweet."

"You're forgiven," I teased, patting him on the head like a dog, "here, have another. I don't mind."

He didn't need a second invitation. His eyes closed after cramming another one into his thin little mouth and he almost seemed to shiver in pleasure. It was the funniest thing I had ever seen!

"I want a girl who reminds me of this chocolate," he said when he'd swallowed, "then I'd never let her go."

"Good luck," I laughed, "last I heard, all the ones around here are tart-flavored!"

Heinrich's fit of laughter seemed to echo.

"Well, now, you're in an awfully humorous mood for having been shot and stabbed in the same day," he said when he could finally breathe again.

"I'd much rather be easily amused than never amused at all," I answered.

"Here. Luthias got you another uniform with no bullet-holes. He thinks this one should fit you a little better."

I examined it. It seemed fairly new and there were indeed no bullet holes.

"How am I supposed to change?" I asked.

"Well…it's not necessary right _now_ is it?"

I shook my head. Heinrich was never going to cut it in a marriage. He tried to act very tough and macho and demeaning to women around others, but it was a very weak act to me. I didn't doubt that Luthias could see through it as well.

"Also, Luthias told me to tell you he would be back soon. He's having a word with Higgins about his weak defenses. It might take a while," Heinrich joked.

"Fine with me," I yawned. How was it that I had just woken up and was already tired?

"You can go back to sleep," Heinrich confirmed, "but I had orders to make sure that you ate first. Please get better soon, though; I'm not a very good cook."

I chuckled and slid back against the covers. After overdone toast (it wasn't _all_ burnt) and a bowl of porridge that had the consistency of a cow's cud, I lay back down to sleep. I heard someone come in and take the chamber pot out from under my bed; I was relieved when they put back there. I drifted in and out for what seemed like a long time, the black dreamless sleep sometimes penetrated by vivid and frightening nightmares. When I would wake for a few seconds, the sounds of the camp would lull me back to sleep. It wasn't until I heard the clinking of spurs that I willed myself out of the comfortable haze I'd been resting in. I rolled over to see Luthias coming.

"Someone has been in the chocolate already," he commented. I felt the warmth flood my face and ran my sleeve along my mouth to remove the offending stain. He lifted the edges of the bandages to check them. The chill from the wind on my bare skin made me shiver and want to hide underneath the cocoon of my blankets.

"There is no new blood," he commented, "it is a good sign. You have more color as well."

Embarrassed about my "more color", I tried not to think about it.

"You fought well for your first battle," he commented, "but I will have to teach you how to block more effectively when you are well."

"Not bad for a girl?" I teased awkwardly.

The same ghost of amusement appeared somewhere in his features.

"Not bad for a girl," he acknowledged in such a low whisper that it might have been a growl. He disappeared again and I stretched back out under the covers.

My recovery took the entire time that we stayed with our British unit. There were a few more fights that I didn't get to take part in. When I was well enough to move around a little bit, I helped to heal some of the other injured that came in. Heinrich had been lucky the first time; the bullet had only nicked him. This time, however, he'd been slashed down the side of his knee. I was supposed to stitch it up, but the sight of so much blood made me queasy. Luthias himself had pitched me face-first out of the medical tent when I started to retch. By the time I'd pulled myself together, Heinrich was all stitched up and looking at me strangely. I muttered a quiet apology and bandaged up the wound while Luthias chewed someone out outside; I had only learned enough German to know that most of what was said can't be repeated in polite company. Oddly enough, I thought I heard some swearing in other languages as well.

Luthias slowly but steadily increased my exercises, insisting that it was for my own good. Daredevil, who was crunching on the new spring grass, pricked his ears with interest.

"It hurts," I whined shrilly, "my shoulder feels like it's gonna fall off!"

"I _know_ it hurts," he sighed impatiently, "that is the _point!_ The muscles underneath will get stiff and hard if you don't use them. You will move better if you don't favor that arm too much."

I tried really hard not to complain; I didn't want to get stabbed or shot again anytime soon, but having him constantly lunge at me and pretend he was going to cut me was making me nervous. There wasn't a lot we could do about bullets unless we heard a shot fired or saw the flash of light from the end of the barrel. Luthias disliked guns, but he wasn't afraid to use one. I had to learn how to clean and load one of those stupid things which made me less fond of them. There were also target practice sessions and training in very bad weather so that I could at least take a guess as to where the bullet was headed. The one thing that comforted me was that I could move much faster now that the boots fit my feet correctly.

"Sometimes I wonder about him," I muttered to Daredevil. The horse's black eyes stared into mine and he nudged me. Sighing, I set the bucket down for him and he munched his oats contentedly. Heinrich was standing at a safe distance away while I brushed the horse's coat until he shone. This, I knew, was one job I couldn't screw up. After I put his blanket on, I idly began to braid a strand of his forelock.

"I can't understand that at all," Heinrich muttered, "the big brute tries to trample me and he just stands there like he's a kitten with you."

Daredevil snorted and continued having his dinner. Heinrich and I had already eaten ours. The riding gear had been completely cleaned and polished so that it looked brand new. Heinrich had helped me since my shoulder was protesting all the hard training.

"You know why he's doing it, don't you?" Heinrich asked.

"Because I'm a liability if I get hurt?" I asked tiredly.

Heinrich chuckled.

"That's what he _wants_ you to think."

I was hoping he would elaborate, but I didn't press. We moved back towards the center of camp; there were still plenty of dishes with our names on them. Elbow-deep in sudsy water, we worked in silence. I noticed Luthias talking to a few of the British officers. One of them glanced over at me and I wondered what he was looking at.

The evening passed without any other unusual events. Luthias appeared somewhat moodier than usual and kept to himself. I wondered if he had something on his mind but wasn't sure if I should ask.

There had been another problem as well. When I had been emaciated, I knew it was unlikely that I was fertile at all. Now that I was putting on weight…well, I had another problem. I had been forced to sneak into the medical tent and take some cloth bandages to keep my "womanly time of the month" a secret. Not wanting to take more and risk us running out of them, I had two sets that I switched out every other day. Late at night when everyone was asleep, I went outside to wash them and set them by the fire to dry. Luthias nearly caught me once but didn't ask what I was doing out there.

Though the pain of losing my mother was rapidly waning, I found myself missing her more and more. There were times that I dearly wished I didn't have to pretend anymore. There were times I nearly gave myself away…most noticeably, I almost kissed Luthias on the cheek once. I pretended that I had merely been trying to get a closer look at an imaginary speck on his shirt and "brushed" it away. That was the night he had informed us that we were headed straight for Sleepy Hollow.

"Forgive me for saying so," I said timidly as we settled into our cots for the night, "but I have a very bad feeling about this. I've had nightmares aplenty about that place though I've never had a bad experience there."

"I know," Luthias said flatly, "you keep me awake with your screaming half of the night."

I turned to look at him. Even though it was dark and I couldn't see his face very well, his gaze was no less intense.

"What do you see?"

The question was somewhat unexpected.

"It's silly, I know," I admitted, "but I dream about a clearing and this odd, twisted tree. It's dead, but when I touch it, it almost has a pulse and it's warm to the touch despite the snow. There are two little girls there and you are running from soldiers. You ask them to keep silent, but one of them snaps a large twig in half. It echoes and they come after you. You fight well, but one of them stabs you in the side. When you can't catch you breath from the wound, one of them…"

I shuddered.

"One of them beheads you and they bury you beneath the tree. The little girl who snapped the twig is really a witch in disguise."

I expected Luthias to laugh, but he didn't.

"Strange…" he mumbled, half-asleep.

"I do not trust Nathaniel," I admitted, "something about him bothers me. I think he will betray us."

"Why would you think that? He is paying us," Luthias muttered.

"It's just a feeling," I admitted.

"Let me guess," Luthias said sarcastically, "woman's intuition?"

I frowned.

"Maybe? Mother said that it would never lead me astray."

I could tell that he wasn't convinced.

"I know, Ruth, that you are still a woman, but I must ask you not to act like one. It would endanger your life and some of ours as well."

With that, I knew the conversation was over. He rolled over so that his back was to me and I felt tears sting my eyes. I hoped and prayed desperately that I was wrong about Sleepy Hollow.


	7. Chapter 7

Yet another snowstorm came down over us and blanketed the world with more white. No one said much on the way out of the British camp. I rode my horse just behind Luthias's and recited Bible verses in my head: it kept my mind off of the gloomy feeling in my gut. Even Luthias seemed uneasy, but the others didn't say anything if they noticed it. The urge to touch his hand was painfully overwhelming and I kept having to push it back down inside.

_This is no time to act like the silly little girl you are,_ I thought to myself, _even if you both survive this war, he might not want you._

I wished right then I had never thought that, as it started a chain reaction. No man would have me for his wife…I had already given myself away. I would be forced to live either alone or with some other family as a maid or a nanny.

"What's the matter with you?" Luthias hissed in a whisper only I could hear. I didn't realize until then that a tear had trickled down my cheek. Hastily, I wiped it away and pretended I hadn't heard him.

_Whither thou goest, I will go…_I remembered from the book that had my real name.

Suddenly, the world exploded. Men came pouring out from around the trees. The little town lay just ahead, seemingly innocent of the fierce battle just a mile or two away. I realized in horror that the men attacking us had British uniforms.

"What in the Hell?" Luthias snarled in German just before someone shot at him. He dodged the bullet and Daredevil whirled around to face the attacker. It amazed me so much that rider and mount could so easily become one. I drew my sword and nudged mine into a hard run beside Daredevil. My sword sang as it sliced through the air. I didn't bother looking at the faces of the men I struck: I was too afraid I'd get sick and stop fighting if I did. Heinrich was firing his musket rounds into one soldier after another. There were minor injuries on our side, but nothing like the blood we spilled of the British. Luthias was snapping out commands and our unit was moving like well-choreographed dancers. Eventually, we found Nathaniel trying to hide in a bush.

"I didn't want to do it, honest! I was _told_ to take you out!" he wailed.

Luthias pressed his sword against the older man's neck just enough to draw a drop or two of blood.

"Are there any _others_ expecting us?" Luthias asked acidly.

"Yes…they're waiting for you in that clearing over there," Nathaniel sniveled, "they're hiding in the trees."

"I see…and what else haven't you told me?"

Another drop of blood trickled into Nathaniel's collar.

"Hiring you Hessians was the worst mistake we ever made! You care about nothing but yourselves! 'We need higher pay, better uniforms, better horses'. Our men are starving because of you!"

Luthias gave him an "are you serious" Look.

"Maybe it's because we are trying not to freeze," Luthias said calmly, "and because we know how to ration our food. You care nothing about your men and you treat them as though they are very easily replaceable. You are mistaken…I hope you know your God well, for He will be the next thing you see just before you meet the depths of Hell."

The slice was so fast that I didn't even register the movement until I saw Nathaniel's limp body.

It had no head. I sucked in a deep breath and Luthias cleaned his sword with a handful of snow. He turned to look at me and I knew exactly what his expression said.

"How did you know?" he demanded.

"It was the look in his eye every time he spoke to you," I said shakily, "it was as though he thought you weren't good enough for him."

He nodded. He glanced over his shoulder. Without our medical tent set up, the men were having to patch each other up as best they could. Thankfully, we didn't have any serious injuries or deaths. All around us, British bodies lay smearing the snow with blood. I wanted to leave.

"Come," Luthias said, motioning to me. I followed him and tried not to step on anyone's hands or legs. The other soldiers were rifling through the fallen's belongings to see what they could salvage. We got some money and a few other valuable possessions. Luthias had them pile it up on a clean patch of snow, then gave each one an equal share. The coins felt heavy in my pocket; I couldn't remember ever carrying this much money before.

"Now," he said as soon as everyone had gotten theirs, "I'm sure you know by now that the British have turned on us. I do not know if it applies to all of them or just this one unit. I can say without a doubt that it isn't a chance I'm willing to take."

There was a hushed murmuring amongst our crowd.

"I am curious…how many of you wouldn't mind switching sides?"

It was the craziest thing I'd heard him say and I hoped against hope that it was all hypothetical. Slowly, a swarm of hands around me raised. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. My breath caught in my throat.

They would be on our side, on _my_ side. I was no longer a traitor to my country anymore.

"I cannot make any promises," Luthias said, "but I will speak with some American generals and see what can be done. I want to get out of here as quickly as possible and we are _not_ going that way."

He pointed towards the clearing.

While everyone was getting ready to leave again, I nudged my horse towards the clearing. It was silly, I know, but I had to see for myself. I gasped in shock.

There stood the crooked tree, all dead and withered. Two little girls in pink dresses were gathering firewood around its trunk. One of them looked up at me and I got chills. I turned my horse around and made it go as fast as it could away from there. Luthias gave me a questioning look as my horse suddenly appeared beside Daredevil.

"My dream…it almost came true…" I choked nervously, "it was all there…that little girl and that tree…"

"Do not worry about it," he told me, "it's over now."

And we left that awful place just as the sun was setting. I had never been so relieved in my life.

We set up camp several miles from Sleepy Hollow. It was going to be a bitterly cold night, so everyone was taking extra precautions. Heinrich and I made some stew and put the stale bread by the fire so it would warm up. It wasn't much, but it satisfied our hunger. Many of us sat by the fire and talked for a long time. Some of the other soldiers were beginning to warm up a little bit. Adolf was a very seasoned soldier who had seen a lot of battles and wore a lot of scars. The man had such a humorous nature that you'd never guess he'd been through several wars and buried two wives. He had friendly dark eyes and told entertaining stories. Jaegar was a very handsome man though he was roughly thirty-five or so. He was a little full of himself at times, but his loyalty to Luthias and the others ran very deep. He had no family or wife, so he considered us his family. Klaus was a very nervous, very high-strung little man who jumped at every shadow and sound, but he was quite dangerous on the battlefield. His overreaction to threats actually made him better in combat situations. Viktor was a man with a family at home and was just biding his time and earning money to provide for them. When we stopped at towns, he often sent a letter home to his wife. Ivan was originally Russian, but his family had lived in Germany for so long that he considered it his homeland. He had been there since he was small and his Russian accent was nearly invisible. There were many, many others, but these were the ones I remember the most.

"My father and brother were shearing the sheep one day and my job was to carry all the bundled-up fleeces to the loft," Adolf said, "and they said 'Adolf, you will never catch up with us.' They went to go eat the midday meal and I said I would be right there. I led one of the sheep upstairs and gave her some hay to keep her quiet. Then I joined them. After we finished what they thought was the last sheep, they said 'we beat you, Adolf'. I said 'no, you didn't…there is a fleece upstairs that you have not sheared yet'."

Everyone dissolved into laughter.

"You should have seen their faces," Adolf chuckled, "the sheep started bleating when she heard the others down in the pasture. They had to carry her back down the stairs."

Luthias and I took the first watch of that evening. I reluctantly watched everyone else go inside their tents to their nice, warm blankets. It was hard to believe I'd actually gotten used to the cold.

"I can't believe it," he muttered, "they're completely fooled…all of them."

"That's what you wanted, isn't it?" I asked.

"I never dreamed you'd do it so well. You act more like a man than half of the men in this unit."

I suppressed a laugh.

"That's a compliment, right?"

He almost smiled.

"What are you going to do after this war?" I asked.

He shrugged.

"I really don't know," he confessed, "there is nothing for me in Hesse. That's why I left."

"I see," I replied, "there was nothing for me where I was as well…"

Luthias gazed out across the frozen landscape.

"Being a soldier is all that I really know how to do," he told me, "I started when I was very young. My father was a paid mercenary and he taught me when the sword was almost bigger than I was. He was quite proud of me. He sent me to a military academy with the last bit of money we had. Shortly afterward, my mother passed away in childbirth. My sister never saw the light of day. It made us closer and we wrote letters back and forth all the time. He did not die a soldier's death—he died of illness, slowly wasting away into nothing. The doctors could not tell us what was wrong. I buried him in his boots, his armor, and with his sword in his hand just as he asked me to."

It was a terrible thing to have in common with someone, but it actually made me feel better to know that he'd felt the awful loss of a parent. Though he didn't get emotional (I hardly expected him to), I could see that he missed his father greatly.

"After I return home each time," Luthias said, "I visit his grave and I bring things back from other countries to leave there."

We fell into silence. I wished dearly that I could reach over and hug him, but I couldn't. There was always that chance that someone could see us. Then, suddenly, he asked "Which do you like better? Being a boy or being a girl?"

I laughed.

"What kind of question is that?"

"No, I am curious."

He really was.

I thought that over.

"Well…other than having to be very careful about others finding out," I finally said, "it's great. I don't have to wear those stupid corsets or layers upon layers of fabric to the point that I can barely move. I feel as if I can be myself more. And I really, really don't miss having to fix my hair or powder my face! People listen to me and seem to care what I have to say when I wear my uniform. If they knew I was a girl, I don't think they'd respect me at all. Even when I wasn't pretending…I suppose the catch is that I'll always have to hide some part of who I am."

The moonlight was reflecting out of his eyes, making them seem even more surrealistic than before.

"The sad part is that I cannot remember what you look like in a dress," he chuckled, "I would have to stay after the war just for that."

Something in the air shifted and it was as though the whole world hung on that one sentence. Though my chest tightened, I couldn't help but ask.

"Is that a promise?"

He grinned mysteriously, baring all those sharp teeth.

"I make no promises," he told me, "but the chances are in your favor."


	8. Chapter 8

We came to rest near another village. This one, thank God, was far away from Sleepy Hollow. Luthias had successfully gotten us on the American side and the Americans were very happy to have us. Something told me that the American General, Jackson McAlester, was a tiny bit afraid of Luthias. The poor man was uneasy around Luthias right from the start, but that might have been due to the differences in their statures. It was like seeing a flea next to an ox.

As I walked between Heinrich and Luthias, I looked around the town. There were differences that I'd never noticed. The women saw us and began to giggle, blushing furiously and acting like fools. I had to bite my lip to keep from laughing. Most of them were staring at Luthias, but he didn't seem to care. I had always wondered why women seemed attracted to men who were apathetic—it was funny considering I had once been that way.

I still was.

We gathered up supplies and stopped into the tavern for a noonday meal. I had forgotten what it was like to eat indoors. The other patrons had mixed reactions to us; some of them didn't really seem to care much whether we were there or not. Some of them were afraid or they stared at us with looks of loathing. Some of them left. Our bowls of stew were served to us promptly, probably in hopes that we would leave soon. The hot food felt wonderful in my stomach and a warm, hazy, sleepy feeling washed over me. Shortly after we finished our meal, our group of soldiers began to splinter off in different directions. We were all to meet back here at sundown to get back to camp. Luthias had already warned them of excessive drunkenness or being late. I wanted to go with him, but Heinrich tugged at my sleeve and led me off in another direction.

I should probably explain ahead of time that I had never drank before. Heinrich was nice enough to buy us both drinks after Luthias had gone.

"But…" I protested.

"He said not to get drunk," Heinrich reminded me, "he didn't say we couldn't drink."

My strict upbringing had stated that I should never drink. The tiny bit of wine at communion was all I had ever been allowed, and I didn't really like the way wine tasted. I wasn't even sure what it was in the mug—it was dark and bubbly.

I was reminded that my old life was gone and that the only people I really had to be accountable to were Luthias and God.

I took a swallow.

The flavor was…odd. I couldn't really tell if I liked the taste or not. It seemed to burn like fire down my throat and I was thankful I'd eaten just moments before. It would have been very unpleasant on an empty stomach.

"Now you're a real soldier," Heinrich chuckled, "liquid courage, they call it."

I could see why. After I'd finished off what was left in the cup, I was feeling rather strange. My face felt flushed and my mind was a little fuzzy around the edges. It was as if every ounce of tension I had in my body had gone away. The very real danger that we were always in seemed very far away. Heinrich had the bartender refill our cups and looked at me expectantly.

I didn't dare finish off the second cup. I only drank a little out of it and satisfied him by pretending to drink after that. Thankfully, something else caught Heinrich's interest and I didn't have to show my supposed cowardice. The cup stayed on the bar and we left.

"Look over there," he commented.

Luthias's horse was outside a nearby building—I guessed that he and the American general were talking inside. A gleaming chestnut mare stood nearby and Daredevil was acting rather…interested…in her.

"Watch this," Heinrich whispered mischievously. He untied the general's horse, then untied Daredevil.

"Heinrich, no!" I hissed, but it was too late. The mare bolted towards the woods. Daredevil was in hot pursuit of her.

"Heinrich!" I protested as he was overcome with a fit of laughter.

"Well," he said, still chuckling, "they deserve a bit of fun, too, don't they?"

"Luthias is going to kill you," I reminded him.

"Nah. We'll get them back."

I groaned.

We ran towards the woods.

"Oh, no…" I lamented.

The horses had backed up as far as they could go into a clump of trees. A pack of skinny, snarling wolves had cornered them there.

"Heinrich, have you lost your mind?" I exploded when he drew his sword.

The wolves glanced at us and a few of them began to come forward. I nervously drew my sword as well.

"They don't scare me," Heinrich snorted, "and they shouldn't scare you, either. Luthias taught you enough…this should be easy."

The first wolf lunged. I didn't realize I'd moved until the sickening spatter of blood on the snow violated my ears. Heinrich's sword sang through the air as well. The other wolves, desperate for food, lunged for the ones we'd injured. Not wanting to take any more chances, I wiped my blade on the snow, sheathed it, and swung up onto Daredevil's back.

"Come on, Heinrich!" I yelled furiously, "Quit feeding your over-sized ego and let's get out of here!"

Reluctantly, Heinrich did. He hopped onto the mare's back just as the biggest wolf snapped at his heels. The horses were more than happy to get out of here. Unfortunately, they weren't without injury. Daredevil was now moving with a limp and there was a gash in the mare's side.

Not surprisingly, Luthias and Jackson had been searching for us. His intense stare was more frightening than any battle I had yet seen.

"Yours, I presume?" Jackson asked disapprovingly.

I guiltily slid off of Daredevil.

"What happened?" Luthias asked in German.

His voice seemed dangerously calm. That wasn't a good sign at all.

"Wolves," I muttered, "in the woods."

Luthias moved closer.

"And how did our horses get in the woods? Did you take them?"

Heinrich looked sideways at me.

"It was my fault, sir. S—He tried to stop me, but I wouldn't listen. I took the mare and she came after me. Then we were attacked by wolves."

Jackson glared. Obviously, he understood enough German to realize what Heinrich had said. Luthias pulled Jackson aside and they talked for a few minutes. Heinrich was beginning to shake. I gave him a questioning look.

He didn't look me in the face.

It was hard to believe he'd ever hated me. Suddenly, I understood: he knew how much I cared for Luthias and didn't want me to be at the receiving end of his wrath. Jackson pocketed some coins and I realized that he had just been compensated for his mare's injury. I would have to patch Daredevil's leg up when we got back to camp. Jackson left, his expression one of foul displeasure.

Luthias turned back to us. He seized Heinrich by the jaw.

"Stupid boy! What were you thinking?"

The sound of his fist slamming into Heinrich's gut was unbearable. I was about to run forward when someone else caught my arm. It was Albrecht.

"Don't interfere," he warned, "you'll make it worse."

Luthias struck Heinrich three or four times, all the while commenting on his lack of intelligence and competence. Heinrich said nothing and didn't bother to defend himself.

"We will discuss your punishment later," Luthias snarled. I opened my mouth to say something, but Heinrich shook his head. I closed my mouth again.

The way back to camp was very quiet. Rather than risk Daredevil being injured further, Luthias walked beside him, leading him by the reins. When we got back, he refused to let anyone else deal with the injury. I watched him carefully clean out the cut while I held Daredevil's reins. If the horse began to get tense, it only took a word or two from his master for him to settle down.

"How serious is it?" I asked cautiously.

Luthias didn't look up.

"Bad enough," he responded irritably, "the wound isn't deep, but it will take a few days to heal. Stupid boy."

He bandaged up the wound with a strip of cloth and quietly petted Daredevil for a second. The bond between horse and rider was a tangible, almost living thing.

"I'm not sure I tried hard enough," I confessed. The guilt had been building to an almost intolerable level.

"Whether you did or you didn't does not matter," Luthias said dismissively, "he has to learn his place."

I could hear the edge creeping back into his voice, so I retrieved Daredevil's grain rations for the evening and fed him. For a few minutes, the only sound was his contented crunching.

"I remember being his age," Luthias commented, "young, strong, and stupid. I thought I was indestructible. Being in battle very quickly changed my mind. I didn't have many friends and the few I did have were killed. You were both very lucky that there were no British soldiers in the woods."

I nodded. I realized very quickly that we had scared him. He would probably never admit to it, but he'd been worried about us.

A strange warmth crept into my insides. Part of me argued that it was just the drink I'd had earlier.

I didn't get a chance to talk to Heinrich until later. The bruises on his face were starting to darken.

"It looks worse than it is," he assured me, "the worst of it will be going without rations for two days and having to keep watch two nights in a row."

"Why did you tell him I had nothing to do with it?" I asked.

"Because you didn't. I was the one that let the horses go and you did try to talk me out of it," he sighed, "let's not talk about it again. I don't want someone to overhear it."

"All right," I agreed reluctantly.

"You love him. I think of you as my sister," Heinrich said, "I don't want him to lay his hands on you for any reason."

Heinrich tensed a little when I hugged him.

"Thank you," I said gratefully.

A momentary silence passed.

"He should marry you after the war," Heinrich commented, "you're the only one who would put up with him."

I smiled.

It was hard to imagine life beyond the war…war had permeated every aspect of our lives. Trying to picture Luthias without his armor, sword, and Daredevil was next to impossible. I could no sooner picture him in a domestic setting than I could picture my mother being brought back to life.

The future suddenly seemed dark and empty. I couldn't ask Luthias to give up being a soldier. With a heavy heart, I closed my eyes and sank into a dreamless sleep.


	9. Chapter 9

Fortunately for both Heinrich and I, it didn't take Daredevil's leg very long to heal. The wound was minor and he was able to walk without the slightest bit of a limp. I was glad—Luthias would have probably killed us both if we'd permanently damaged his horse. It took much longer for Luthias to stop treating Heinrich like he was the biggest idiot in the world.

We had settled into a comfortable routine for a while. I had grown used to the traveling and not staying in any one place too long. I had grown used to the battles and knowing that we could be assaulted any moment—it happened frequently. I had grown used to the injuries, the sight and smell of blood, the cries of dying men, and the cursing of the wounded. I had grown used to my own identity as a man. The woman I once was seemed like nothing more than a dream. We had survived the nightmare of Sleepy Hollow.

I never forgot that little girl from my dreams. I was grateful that I'd told Luthias of the dream despite the risk of him not believing me. Sometimes I dreamed of her again. Though she was only a child, she frightened me. Sometimes she cursed my name—my real name. I tried to convince myself that it was only a figment of my imagination. I had always had a very strong faith, but I prayed silently under my covers at night that God would keep these nightmares at bay. I prayed that we would be safe from this nightmare and that it would stay safely locked away in the realm of shadows, illusions, and dreams.

Luthias sensed that something was wrong, but he didn't ask. I could tell that he knew something was wrong with me just by the expression. I began to lose weight again and Heinrich commented that I was very pale.

"What's the matter?" he asked me.

"I don't know," I confessed, "I've been having strange dreams lately."

The worst of it came one stormy night. Storms never bothered me—I actually found the sound of the rain very soothing. Though it was cold in the tent and the flaps rarely stayed secure, I ignored the weather enough to go to sleep. Luthias was still awake, examining a map by lantern light nearby. He was trying to figure out where we were needed next. Though I felt very uneasy, I reminded myself that I was perfectly safe with him. Slowly, I drifted off to sleep in the dim orange light.

_We were back in Sleepy Hollow, back in the clearing where Luthias had almost met his fate. The two little girls in pink dresses were gathering firewood there. The younger one saw me standing there. She backed away from me with wary eyes, eventually fleeing. _

_ The older one did not. She had a chilling presence. Though she couldn't have been more than eight or nine, her presence seemed very sinister, dark, and forbidding. She approached me with a cold smile._

_ "I know what you are," she taunted, "you're a big nobody just like me."_

_ "Who are you? Why do you keep invading my dreams? What have I ever done to you?" I demanded._

_ "You took him from me," the little girl snapped, "the Hessian commander was mine! I would have had everything if you'd just minded your own business! Since I can't have him, I suppose I'll just have to make do with you."_

_ I was surprised at how the pitch of her voice changed. She went from sounding like the child she was to a fully grown woman. I shrank away from her. Though she only held a stick in her hand and I was armed with a sword, she was entirely too menacing for me to even remember that she didn't pose a threat. Instead of brandishing the stick, she snapped it in two. _

_ British soldiers flooded in from all sides. I was surrounded within seconds. My heart was thundering and I felt like a trapped rabbit. I yelled out for help, yelled out for Luthias, yelled out for God. Unfortunately, it seemed too late. I held them off for only a few seconds. The little girl stood by a tree and watched._

_ "You silly goose! You didn't really think you'd escape from me, did you?" she giggled._

_ I cried out in pain when a saber gashed my side. I doubled over in pain._

_ "Well…that German bastard will get our message loud and clear, won't he?" I heard one of the soldiers say. The last thing I felt was the pain of the sword blade slicing through my neck._

"Ruth! Wake up!"

It was Luthias's voice. I jolted awake in shock at hearing my real name. Breathing raggedly, I stared into his unusually intense blue eyes. Much to my horror, my own filled with tears and I began to sob uncontrollably.

"Shhh," he hissed, trying to shut me up. I felt my cot give a little with his weight as he sat down. In an attempt to muffle my noise, he pulled me towards him so that my face was buried in his shoulder. It seemed that the harder I tried to stop crying, the worse it got. He said nothing to me and merely waited for the spell to pass. Ashamed of myself, I mumbled an apology and blew my nose in my handkerchief.

"What were you dreaming?" he asked.

"It was awful," I sniffed, "that little girl from my other dream was there…she said that you were hers and that I took you away from her. Then, she said since she didn't get you, she'd have to make do with me. She was holding a stick and broke it in two. Then, the British soldiers came from all sides and I was trapped. They chopped my head off."

He frowned. One of his massive hands cupped my cheek.

"You have a fever," he commented thoughtfully, "that would explain the dream."

"It's more than that," I objected, "I've been having these terrible nightmares since we passed through Sleepy Hollow. I feel like I'll never stop having them."

The little girl in me noticed that his hand was still on my cheek. I leaned into his touch. The coldness of his hand felt good against my burning skin.

There was a small amount of sympathy in his expression.

"It is the war," he said quietly, "war does this to soldiers. At first, it is all talk and bragging…what you'll do, how many men you'll kill, what a hero you'll be. Then comes the fighting, the wounds, the blood, the questioning. Soon, you can't escape because it's there when you close your eyes."

He made me nervous when he did that; it was like he could see right past my skin into my soul. The intense blueness of his eyes only added to the effect.

"Does it ever go away?" I asked, sniffling awkwardly.

"No," he answered truthfully, "but it will get easier with time…if you don't run from it or allow the guilt to possess you."

It was a blessing to know that we were in this together. I could vaguely understand his icy exterior—he was that way because he was protecting both us and himself. Being a soldier was all that he knew.

"You will be the only woman that understands," he said, slowly letting his hand fall away, "and he will be very lucky."

I'm not sure what made me say it. Maybe it was the fever that burned through my veins and fogged up my mind.

"I love you, Luthias."

It came out as easily as air itself, but I felt my throat constrict afterwards. I shivered involuntary as a breeze moved through the tent. The light in the lantern flickered.

"Why?"

His voice was icy and hard. I could feel a second wave of tears coming, but I pushed them back.

"Because you were there when I had no one," I answered truthfully.

"It is the fever talking," he muttered.

"No, it isn't! I swear," I pleaded with him, "I was perfectly sane when I realized it!"

For one awful moment, I felt him freeze up. Would he scold me? Would he leave? There was a lot at stake here. I heard his sharp intake of breath and hoped dearly that I hadn't just royally messed up everything.

Then, his hard kiss made me nearly pass out. I winced a little at his sharp teeth—the coppery traces of blood tinged the kiss. He was rough, yes, but I expected that. The blazing heat in his gaze when he pulled away told me that he'd been affected as well. It was different than the first time when I'd come to him out of desperation.

A very distinct heat pooled in my middle.

"Go back to sleep," he ordered, "you won't fight well with a fever."

Puzzled, I lay back down. Just before I went to sleep, I felt him spread another blanket over me and smiled.

He didn't know how to voice it, but I was grateful that he shared my feelings. His capacity to share them was limited.

He had taught me about war, so I would teach him about love. And when this God-awful situation was done, we would have each other.


	10. Chapter 10

The rest of the night passed without any dreams. Whatever had caused my fever seemed to be gone for now. I noticed that Luthias was gone and quickly got dressed. Memories of our kiss the previous night warmed my heart and I'd hoped to see him soon. I saw Heinrich nearby and ran up to him, excited.

His expression caused my joy to slam to a halt.

"We're moving out," he said glumly.

This was nothing new.

"So?" I asked.

"To Sleepy Hollow."

My stomach iced over.

"We can't!" I objected.

"We've been given our orders. Luthias made it clear that we are not to argue," Heinrich sighed.

I had gone from being the happiest woman in the world to wanting to weep in a matter of seconds.

"Where is he?" I asked.

"He's over there talking to the American general."

Without thinking, I ran over to the two men.

"We can't go back there!" I said breathlessly. Luthias gave me a bone-chilling stare, as did the American man.

"Get back to work," Luthias snapped, obviously displeased with the interruption.

"Don't you remember the-"

I was cut off when Luthias's hand clamped over my mouth. His grip was hard enough to hurt my jaw.

"Speak out of turn again and you will be punished. Do I make myself clear?"

I swallowed hard and nodded. Luthias shoved me roughly away and I retreated on shaking legs. The American was obviously pleased at Luthias's rough treatment of me. I supposed he'd never forgiven Heinrich and I for taking their horses. I tried not to cry as I slunk away towards Daredevil.

"You shouldn't have interrupted him," Heinrich said. Anyone else would have snapped at him, but I heard the sympathy in his voice.

"The witch is there," I sniffed, "she wants Luthias dead…we can't go back, Heinrich!"

"I'm sorry, Ad—Ruth," he sighed, "it seems we have no choice."

I choked back the tears and tried desperately not to cry anymore. I couldn't let the others see me with a tear-stained face. Tightening my resolve, I busied myself with getting Daredevil's grain rations and brushing him. The horse seemed to sense my depression and nudged at me. I petted him and buried my face against his warm shoulder.

"You won't let him be killed, will you?" I whispered.

He thrust his velvety nose into my palm and licked it.

Just as I was finishing up my chores, Heinrich came to get me. Luthias wanted everyone in the center of camp.

I noticed that he intentionally refused to look at me as he barked out our orders. We were to eat quickly, get our stuff packed up, and head for Sleepy Hollow. I shivered and wondered if I'd ever get warm again. It seemed that winter would never end.

We rode in silence side by side for a long time. My mare was subject to endless distractions and I had to keep reining her in from them. She was being particularly uncooperative when Daredevil reached over and nipped at her. For a fraction of a second, I smiled when she snorted at him.

Luthias seemed deep in thought and I didn't try to talk him out of it. He was never very much of a talker on these long rides. Heinrich was behind us somewhere, so I couldn't talk to him, either. I heard the other soldiers conversing in whispers behind us. I heard a few of them talking about what I'd done earlier and my face heated.

"He follows him around like a little lost puppy," one of them said, "if I didn't know better, I would say…"

"It would make sense. They share a tent."

If Luthias heard any of those comments, he did not acknowledge them. After what seemed like an eternity, we arrived in Sleepy Hollow.

The place was just as ominous as before. There seemed to be a gloomy cloud over the place, one that never seemed to lift. My stomach ached when I thought about the clearing.

We arrived at the place we were going to make camp at. Luthias turned Daredevil around so that he was facing us.

"You know what I expect of you. Now do it," he said curtly.

No one wasted any time. We had camp set up faster than we'd ever managed to before. I moved to go collect some firewood.

In my moments of despair and panic, I had not realized just how close to the clearing we really were. My blood froze when I reached it.

There were the two little girls, every bit as real as in my dream. I shrank back into the relative safety of the trees and prayed that they didn't notice me. Peeking around the nearest tree, I watched.

"Stop your whining, Tabitha! Mother's too ill to get the wood and you know it!"

The one called Tabitha spitefully stuck her tongue out at the other girl. They looked like twins, but the other one was clearly the more dominant one.

"Mary…someone's here," Tabitha said suddenly, "I feel it."

Mary looked around and I ducked my head back behind the tree. For a split second, I could feel her gaze.

"You're imagining things. Now, come on. We've got to get the wood back inside."

I watched as they retreated into a cave.

A cave?

My heart went out to those little girls. I didn't dare wait until they came back—I ran towards camp. I quite literally ran into Luthias. Running into him was like running into a brick wall: I merely bounced off of him and fell backwards.

"Sorry," I said regretfully, brushing the snow off.

"What's the matter with you?" he asked irritably. I was trying to figure out whether this was part of the act or not. With him, it was hard to tell these days. Dropping my voice to a whisper, I spoke:

"The girls from my dream live over there," I hissed, "the clearing's not very far from here."

His nod was barely perceptible.

"Where is our firewood?"

His voice was stern because a few of the others had glanced over at us. I shrank back, wanting to smack my forehead. I'd left the pile of wood I'd gathered in the woods. Heinrich conspicuously walked past us.

"You," Luthias barked, "surely you can get the wood back to the camp. Take this incompetent one with you."

"Yes, sir," Heinrich said. As we hustled into the woods, he gave me a questioning look. After we were safely out of earshot, I informed him of the nightmares and what I had seen.

"How do you know they aren't just dreams?" Heinrich asked.

"I just do," I sighed, "I can't explain it."

Heinrich used his axe to chop off a sizeable limb.

"What's the matter with you? You've been acting strange since we left."

"I told him the truth," I sighed.

"And?"

"He kissed me."

Heinrich stared.

"My God," he laughed, "that would actually mean he has feelings…"

I gave him a Look.

"Sorry, it's just that I never pictured him…you know."

I picked up a few smaller sticks that could be used for kindling.

"Okay, so he feels the same way. What's the problem?"

"I want this war to be over with. I'm sick of pretending. I'm sick of always being on my guard and worrying that I'm going to be caught. I want to be with him."

I froze.

"What?" Heinrich whispered.

Up ahead, of us, a girl in a pink dress stood leaning against a tree. She smiled coldly. In her hands, she held a stick.

"Ashes, ashes…" she sang, "you all fall down!"

She snapped the stick and all Hell broke loose.


	11. Chapter 11

Within seconds, Heinrich and I were surrounded by British soldiers. They all pounced on us, binding our hands behind our backs.

"Where is your camp?" one of the more burly ones demanded. When I didn't answer right away, he seized my chin and asked it more loudly. I wanted to gag; his breath was worse than a dragon's.

"Th-that way…" I choked out, pointing in the opposite direction that it really was.

"She's lying," the little girl called Mary snarled.

One of the Brits raised his eyebrow.

"_She?_" he asked incredulously.

"If you don't believe me, then check."

I stared at her. How could one little girl be so malevolent?

The one I assumed to be the leader of this pack snapped his fingers. Two of the others pinned me to the snow and yanked my shirt up. The cold air shocked me as it hit my skin. They unwrapped the cloth bandage I used to bind up my breasts. I began to shake uncontrollably, whether from cold or from fear I could not say.

The leader chuckled.

"Now I've seen everything. What would a powerful Hessian General want with this little wench?"

"He_ loves_ her," Mary said in a taunting tone.

"He does not! He doesn't even know about this!"

I was shocked at how easily the lie escaped my lips. I prayed silently for God to forgive me and to get us out of this mess. Heinrich, out of respect, was not looking at me.

"Then he shouldn't mind if we kill both of you. Although…I have other plans first."

My stomach soured. I was careful not to let my fear show. I wouldn't give this bastard the satisfaction.

"Take them back to our camp," the commander ordered, "and I want one of you to deliver a message for me."

He turned to the girl.

"Such a devious little whelp, aren't you? I almost wish you'd come from my loins," he remarked, tossing a few coins into the snow. She snatched them up and tucked them into her dress pocket. The other girl, Tabitha, was nowhere to be seen. The British soldiers dragged us away.

As we walked, I prayed. I prayed that God would deliver us from this situation, that Luthias and the others would be safe and untouched, and that this war would be over soon.

…

(Luthias's POV)

It had been about an hour since I'd sent Ruth and Heinrich into the woods. Our fire was getting low and they still had not returned. Annoyance boiled up in my blood. Underneath was something I didn't often feel: worry.

I should never have brought Ruth with us. I should never have taken her in the first place. Kindness was somewhat of an alien thing to me…Giving without getting had too many consequences.

I told myself that I would not treat the girl any differently. I told myself that she owed me her life for the trouble I had gone to.

And then I had made a fatal mistake.

Women were ridiculous creatures. They were overly emotional, weak, and could argue on the basis that they were right regardless of the facts. The thought of being married was laughable.

Until Ruth…

Heaven help me, I actually felt guilty for being so rough with her today…she understood that it was all part of the act, but I knew she'd thought I was truly angry with her for a moment or two. I was concerned with her…she seemed pale and sickly all the time now. Whatever mysterious illness that had taken hold in her was affecting her much too strongly for comfort. The images that came to mind were even less comforting.

_Witchcraft._

I had never really believed in such things. I think of myself as a logical man, only believing in things I can see and touch. Even Ruth's beliefs in God confused me…I had difficulty understanding how she could believe in Him when she'd been through so much. I asked myself what loving God would do that to such a kind woman. Sometimes I would slip her Bible out of her hand at night and read after she'd gone to sleep. Often, I came up with more questions instead of answers. In the end, I'd chosen not to concern myself with it. It was her life, I mused, and there was no guarantee we would end up together after the war. I had never gone to such lengths to try and understand someone else.

A disheveled and bloody Heinrich appeared as I was tending to my horse. Suspicion rolled through my gut like thunder. He staggered towards me and fell face-first into the snow at my feet. Daredevil snorted and nudged at him with his nose.

"What in the Hell—"

Heinrich struggled to raise his head.

"It's Ruth…" he gasped, "they've got Ruth."

He was on the verge of passing out. I seized him and pulled up upright into a sitting position.

"Who has Ruth?" I demanded sharply.

"The English…they know she's a woman…that evil little girl told them. They're going to kill her, Sir….she's done for."

Tears leaked out of his dark eyes just before he passed out. The other soldiers noticed the unconscious boy and rushed over to help.

"I want to know the exact moment he wakes up," I demanded, "I need a few of you to find the British camp. Do _not_ get caught. One of ours is in their clutches."

"Adalhard? Why do you want him back?"

There it was…the question I had been dreading.

"He is one of our best fighters and we would have perished twice if it had not been for him."

They looked at each other strangely, but the scowl I directed at them stopped the glances.

"Get to work!" I snarled.

They scattered. I pinched the bridge of my nose to ward off the headache that threatened to come.

_Stupid girl._

….

The tent didn't shield me much from the cold. I was still bound. There was a blindfold over my eyes. I knew that Heinrich had already been released, but the sound of flesh striking flesh still burned my ears. I felt so bad for him…

I cringed when I heard the rustling as someone entered the tent.

"You brought this on yourself, you know…" a trembling voice said.

My mind slammed to a halt. It wasn't the harsh male voices of the soldiers. It was a little girl…

"Tabitha?"

Though her voice sounded very much the same as Mary's, it lacked the malicious undertones.

"Yes."

"What are you talking about, Tabitha?"

"You could have stayed away where my sister couldn't get you."

She untied my blindfold.

"I wanted to," I sighed, "I tried to get our general out of this area…it didn't work."

"I know," she said grimly, "but you should have stayed out of the clearing."

"Why is your sister doing this to us?" I asked.

"She says you took everything away from her. She was going to have your general killed so that she could make him her slave. She sold her soul to the devil."

I shuddered.

"That's why she's a witch. Our mom is, too, but she's a good witch. Or she was…" Tabitha muttered bitterly.

"Has she passed?"

"Last night. That's why Mary's being so mean."

I nodded.

"Tabitha, is there any way you can get me out of here?"

Tabitha glanced around as if making sure we weren't being watched.

"Maybe…but it would have to wait until dark. If I do it now, they'll know it's my fault. Worse, Mary will know…" she shuddered.

"Can you get a message to the general for me?"

I was aware that what I was asking was very risky.

"I can try," she said timidly.

"Can you tell him to stay away from this camp? I don't want him to be caught," I told her, "and I need you to tell him that I love him and I won't blame him if something happens to me. His life matters more than mine."

She nodded.

"I'll try."

"Thank you."

She tied my blindfold back on and left. Now all I could do was wait…

…

Heinrich's POV:

To say that I felt as though I'd been through a war would be redundant, wouldn't it?

Anyway, I was hurting so much when I woke up that I couldn't begin to describe where and how. The pain told me that I was very much alive. I remembered Ruth and groaned.

Poor Ruth…

I had failed her.

I let out a yelp of surprise when a pair of unnaturally bright blue eyes was the first thing I saw when I opened mine. A massive hand clamped down over my mouth and I tried to slow down my galloping heart. Upon my cessation of noise, Luthias lifted his hand.

"How long have I been out?" I asked wearily.

"Two hours."

I cringed.

"Where did they take Ruth?"

"They took her North of the clearing," I said quickly, "they know she's a woman, Sir. That little witch of a girl told them."

Luthias's expression darkened considerably. He let out a string of curses in our native tongue. Some really vile ones at that…

"The others must not find out," he sighed, "at least not until we get her back. There will be Hell to pay if they do."

I understood. I grunted as I fought my screaming body to try and sit up.

"How bad is it?" I asked, referring to my injuries.

Luthias looked me over.

"I have seen worse," he said grimly, "but this will take time to recover from. You are excused from your duties until you can move more easily."

We sat in silence for a few minutes.

"Forgive me for prying, but I think of Ruth as my sister," I admitted, "will you marry her?"

Luthias's face hardened.

"A war is no place for a woman. I intend to leave her at the next town," he told me, "she deserves better than cold, hunger, and fighting."

"You love her," I said simply.

"That is why I will have to leave her behind," he answered, "the cost to her life is too great. The day will come that she will have to kill someone and it will destroy her. Besides…I do not need these constant distractions and neither do you."

He left the tent. I watched him go and wondered how Ruth would take the news…if we got her back safely.


	12. Chapter 12

A/N: Graphic chapter warning…depictions of rape. Please do not flame or kill me because of this chapter—I assure you that it is necessary to the plot.

Ruth's POV:

The feeling of cold, hard hands on my body jerked me from my fitful sleep. In my ear, I could feel his ragged breath.

"He wastes your potential," my visitor rasped, clearly drunk, "he should take you every single night…"

I felt my shirt sliding up and was thankful that the blindfold disguised my tears. Though I knew what was coming and would be forever haunted by it, I did not fight him. I couldn't fight him. As long as Luthias and Heinrich were safe, it did not matter what happened to me.

"Have you given up?" the alcohol-soaked breath hissed, "Or do you like this?"

I again said nothing. I wouldn't give him the satisfaction of intimidating me. I wouldn't say anything. I would be as silent and as hard as a stone until the very last. My heart was thundering in my ears and I remembered my thoughts on the night I had first come to Luthias.

_A hungry person has no pride._

The officer who had captured me was loosening my bonds so that he could shift me around. I was somewhat grateful that I wouldn't see his ugly face.

"I want a turn!" Someone yelled from the other side of the tent.

"Get the Hell out of here if you know what's good for you!" the man holding me spat. I heard a shuffle as the offending man left, muttering something about how he never got to have any fun. My attacker tugged my trousers off and spread my legs. I swallowed down the bile that rose in my throat.

_Please, God, let it be over soon…_I prayed just as the searing pain shot through my body.

I have been told on several occasions that if a woman doesn't lay with a man regularly that it will hurt because she isn't stretched. I don't know how true that is, but there was some part of me that never wanted to go through his again. I gritted my teeth against the scream that threatened to escape my throat. With one rough hand, my attacker gripped my cheek and kissed me forcefully. The strong alcohol residue ensured me that I never wanted to taste it again.

This process was repeated several times that night and I'm sure there were different men. At some point, I felt my mind tear itself away and I tried to think of other times and other places where I had been safe and happy. For some odd reason, my mind kept drifting back to the tent I'd shared with Luthias. Despite the constant nightmares, I'd never felt threatened for long as long as I'd woken up to see him in the other cot. The shock of being invaded and treated roughly numbed until I'd gotten quite good at blocking it out. It took me several moments to even notice that I was no longer being touched.

Shakily, I sat up. The soldiers had all been drunk enough that they hadn't realized how loosely my bonds were tied. After I'd struggled for several minutes, I'd wrenched one hand loose from the ropes and was able to rid myself of the bonds. I tossed my blindfold away and looked at the scene around me.

There seemed to be no one else present for the moment. Blood and spilled seed stained the floor. I pressed a hand to my mouth in disgust and shakily stood. More spilled down my legs.

With a resigned sigh, I retrieved a cloth and cleaned myself up as best as I could. I felt dirty and tainted. My lower half ached horribly and I wondered exactly how much damage had been done. I didn't want to know.

With some difficulty, I stepped into my trousers and put my shirt on. It was torn, but it was more cover than I currently had. My boots were laying some distance away.

I heard someone coming and my heart began to pound. I willed my abused body to move, but it seemed to have frozen.

It was not, however, the men who were coming to satisfy their lust. It was a little girl in a pink dress.

"Well…I thought they'd never leave," she said, voice loaded with disdain, "bunch of stupid, drunken louts, all of them!"

It was not Tabitha, I knew. It was Mary. But somehow, my cold fear had dissolved again into resignation.

"Nobody tells me to go away and gets away with it," she said icily, "they're first on my list."

I wondered what was keeping her from doing whatever it was she was going to do. Surely she could not possibly hurt me worse than I had just been hurt.

"Anyway…leaving so soon? I had hoped the hospitality would be better, but you just can't trust men to behave themselves."

I crossed my arms.

"What do you want with us, Mary? What did we ever do to you? Why can't you just leave us be?"

She crossed the tent to stand in front of me.

"I almost had everything I wanted. Then you took it away. So you have to give it back, _Ruth._"

She stared into my eyes. They were the coldest eyes I've ever seen on a little girl.

"I came here to make you a deal," she said with the air of someone who has won and knew it, "because it's only going to get worse."

I sighed.

"What do you mean?"

She giggled. It was an eerily malicious sound.

"They're going to kill you. And then…they'll go after all the Germans. They'll kill Heinrich and Klaus and Aldolf and …." she listed several more names, "…and they'll save Luthias for last. They're going to lie to him and say you came willingly to make babies with them. And he'll believe it."

"Surely not…" I said, trembling.

"He will. He'll believe it. He'll curse your name. He'll curse your God. He'll say he'd rather go straight to Hell than share a Heaven with you. And then he'll burn there for the rest of eternity. There's just too much blackness in his heart…there's no hope for him."

The only thing worse than Luthias being killed was the idea of him being condemned because of me. If he lived, he could at least have a sporting chance to turn his life around.

"What's the deal?" I asked, resigned.

"My deal for you is that I won't let them be touched. The bastards that hurt you will perish instead…and your Luthias will be the one to avenge your death."

It didn't take a scholar to realize where she was going with this.

"But I must die in his stead," I thought out loud.

"Yes. And you shall be my slave for eternity," she clapped her hands together, "we'll have great fun getting back at them all! It's even better because you're a girl, too! Nobody would suspect you!"

I bowed my head. For a woman of such strong faith previously, I knew I wasn't getting out of this one.

_Please, God, forgive me…forgive me for what I'm about to do. Please watch over all of them. And please let Luthias forgive me._

"Will I at least get to say goodbye?" I asked, my knees shaking.

She sighed.

"Maybe…it depends on what kind of mood I'm in, but you aren't helping my patience. Do you or don't you accept? The time is growing short!"

"Very well…I accept."

…..

Luthias's POV:

It was very late, only a few hours until dawn. I woke with a start when someone touched my face.

"Ruth?"

She smiled sadly. She was badly bruised up and bleeding. Her clothes were torn.

"What happened to you?" I asked angrily.

"You don't want to know," she objected, "nor do I want to tell you. I just want to forget about it…"

I pulled her into my arms. I didn't give a damn who might walk in on us. These last several hours had been absolute Hell. I wondered why no one had reported her return…surely someone must have seen her come back?

"Luthias, I can't stay very long," she told me, "these soldiers are vicious and they will realize soon that I'm gone. They'll come after all of you and kill you if you don't do something…"

"Do not worry about that. How did you escape?"

Fresh tears shone in her eyes.

"I didn't, Luthias."

"What?" I was confused now.

"By morning, I will be dead. The witch…she has found me. I belong to her now…"

She silenced me by resting her fingers on my lips as disbelief and outrage flooded my spirit.

"It was only a matter of time anyway," she said, uncharacteristically calm, "they were going to kill me once they tired of me. You wouldn't have wanted me after I've been handled by so many others' hands…"

"That is not true. I would only want to have stopped them! You are mine no matter what they have told you!" I snapped.

Again, that eerily sad smile returned.

"I am about to ask a lot of you," she said quietly, "before I return to service of the forest witch forever…"

"Anything," I promised as it sank in that she was telling the truth.

"Make me forget what they have done to me…give me memories to part with so that I can battle my despair…"

Her eyes slid closed when I kissed her. I was much more careful with her this time. I loved her with a gentleness that I ordinarily did not possess. I kissed at the bruises and cuts that the others had left behind, desperately wishing I could make them go away. She winced a little at first when we joined, but not for long. Before long, she was crying, not with sadness, but with joy.

"Thank you, my love…I shall never forget you. Or the others…they were like the brothers I never had."

A faint, thin voice called on the wind. It sounded much too misty to be real, as if I'd only imagined it.

"I must go now," Ruth sighed, "but know that you will always be in my heart."

My arms tightened around her.

"You belong with me. I will not let you go," I said firmly.

Ruth pried herself out of my embrace.

"I must," she insisted, "I gave my word. I shed my blood so that she would not drink yours. If you don't release me, I will have died in vain."

I insisted on walking with her. Mary, the little witch, waited at the edge of the woods.

"If you want to avenge her, you shall find your prey in a drunken stupor in the tent at the front," she said coldly, "I would get started if I were you…I can only keep them knocked out for so long."

It was stunning to hear a little girl talk about killing so casually. Bitterness filled my heart, not only for those men, but for her. I couldn't believe that this little thing had caused so much trouble.

"Come, Ruth, there is work to be done."

Even as I stood there, I could see Ruth's body becoming more transparent, the injuries beginning to heal. She turned to look at me one last time before she dissolved completely. The little girl was gone soon after, vanished without a trace. Even her feet had not left tracks in the snow.

I raised my eyes to the sky, which was just beginning to brighten.

_How could you do this to her? You were her God! You were supposed to protect her! She was not supposed to be the one to die! I was!_

A solitary tear clung to my cheek before falling to the snow. My hands shook as the sadness I had not known since my father died drew itself up with a vengeance. Then, the rage took over.

Her death would not be in vain. I would make sure of that.


End file.
